So to be honest I erased this blog 6 times since Christmas because it was tons i wanted to say but really nothing to say. So I have been waiting to have something to say and I think I have found something to talk about, the title has not changed but the meaning has alot that's why i couldn't post this before New Years. Well here we are and to be completely real I was scared to write this because it has made me sit here and think about every decision I have made in the last 10 years OMG. I have filter, unfiltered, thought and thought more of my life since 2000 and that is why i can't get these words down on paper. So here goes Life is a direct sum of the choices you make, life is what you make it, you only get one chance at life make the best of it, live as if tomorrow isn't coming. Did I follow all these quotes that i so randomly throw around NO HELL NO hence the many drafts of this blog. For some reason no not for some reason because I had to reflect look at the man in the mirror it took so ong to publish this. I wanna say thanks to the entities in my life male, female, animal, alien or whatever for giving me this MOMENT. I do not know where I would be now if i didn't have such amazing experiences and friends and family to be there. I have to say it is Epic to look back on recent events like leaving Jubilee to joining Shockwave for the first time. All these things happen in the last 10 years and they have shaped, molded, installed, programed me to be who I am today. I See You... Looking back lets have no regrets in this new decade in my eyes i have loved, lost, traveled, danced with some awesome people, became friends with some amazing people, and lived an amazing life both up and downs are magic to me.
I am not going negative but i wanna get this out because as i sit here its on my head Does anyone have a scrapbook of Sorrow? I was thinking of that today and sitting in my bed most of the day with a swollen eye i got me I got sad, withdrawn, a lil' depressed because I look at all these picture on my laptop, and facebook and they are all the same I am happy, excited, loved, surrounded by people who love me and that ear to ear smile. And don't get me wrong I love looking at them but I spent most of the day looking at my scrapbook of sorrow and those are the moments that propelled me to i.e leave Detroit, move to Orlando, Do Cruise Ships, move to Saipan, go to Germany, move to Las Vegas, leave Jubilee, and so on a Decade of Decisions is what i went through today. Where would I be if i would have listened to Ms. Rowland and stop dancing, stayed in Detroit, stayed in the Marine Corp, moved to Seattle instead of as Vegas. My life would be so different but i don't live in the what if's i lie in the whats next and I am super thankful for eveyone that has been in my life, no longer in my life, and that is still in my life. Amanda, Shatika, Abby, Jocelyn, Bryan W, Slim, J Boy, Gertrise, Joey, Jesse, Boobie, Erik, Danielle, Clarie, Colette, Cassandra, Junebug, Sara(Roomie), Sarah,Tania, Shelby, Mary C.G, Jonah, Chad,Rodney, LDogg, Aunt Cassandra I can keep this list going but just everyone who reads this is in my life right now for a reason.
Sometimes we make decisions based on fear, insecurities and just rash, All my choices were not good choices but they were mind to make and i can't go back and fix them because it would alter who i am today. I am flawed and i see my flaws daily and i know why things i get upset about happen because they a direct result of choices i have made. I hurt bad this past year has opened my eyes so wide and closed me up so tight I feel like a fortress of sorts. I need to be open to life and everything that comes with it, but I feel like I am the old grumpy neighbor who is always pissed for no damn reason at all. I am not that guy but i feel like i need to be or have to be to be somewhat happy in this world, which would suck. But i look at all my friends my age a lil' older and lil younger but just in these places i don't think i have ever been in. They always say the grass is greener but sometimes your grass is just damn dead.
I am deciding to take this decade to a new level a new being a higher being a Übermensch. Get the clarity I need the clarity i have been too scared to reach for, the extra that I need. I have been blessed so far with this life now it's time to prove i deserve it and more. or pack it in. I have wrote about so many things and in all those I find a lil' more of me and now me is screaming out the cracks in my armor, the holes in the walls, the voice in my head. I wanna thank Amanda, Dee Averhart, Tika, Abby, Colette, Bryan W, Sara, Shelby, Jonah ,Cassandra, Shatika & Jocelyn you guys have always been too honest, and there hell or high water no matter the shit i do. So many people are here in my life for me and i can't thank you all enough
I am a PUZZLE, COMPLICATED, A GEEK, FREE, OPEN, SPACEY, DISTANT, WITHDRAWN, INWARDLY @PEACE, DIFFICULT, DRAMATIC, CRAZY, UNFILTERED, WARM, CONFRONTING, LOVING, CARING, SEMI-PATIENT, SLIGHTLY PREJUDICE, EXTRA-ORDINARY, TALENTED, OK LISTENER (lol) And above all these qualities that makes me. Tim Johnson (Ty Lamar)
I am THE DIRECT SUM OF CHOICES I HAVE MADE....
let 2011 be the Year of Years for you no matter what
-I See You...-
