I need this, what
the Hell do I need? Well first I need this song on repeat by Jessie J it is an
amazing song I love every little thing about this song and the lyrics. This is
part 2 of my 2 part thought process, the first was angry this is not so much it
is a great and I love the meaning behind it.
“Stop! Where am I?
Shock! I can’t cry, Pop! I need some space, No! This isn’t me Go! Please let me
breath I’ll be back sooner then you know.”
“I Need This Space
just like you need air; I need this time, time to clear out my mind. Wait did
you hear that, hear my heartbeat I really need this”
“No its not
personal sorry if I’m hurting you please don’t give up on me now. I needed this
time alone to know I could come back home to breath.”
I
love the song in its entirety it is amazing and it so resonates in me in so
many different ways. Well first I think one of the main issues in personal
relationships both friendly and romantic neither party really walks in the
others shoes nor do they completely grasp the person they love is acting a
certain way or being out of what they are used to. I have this quote and it
talks about loving to see his tailor because he is the only person that doesn’t
try to fit him in a previous version of himself and refits him every time they
see each other. That quote makes me smile because in recent months I have fell
to those judgments; time has passed I haven’t seen people in a while and it
feels like the time that passed has really passed. And others that it’s been 2
years or the few its been more then 5 or just random moments it feels like time
stopped and we pick up where the last joke was told or the last memory we had
together and fill in the gaps. But I
guess growing up means growing apart or growing closer whether it be friend or
lover I love this song and the title because I needed the time I took away from
Vegas, just like I needed the time away from Dancing this Summer just like I
need this new path I am on. I feel like in the song she realizes for this
relationship to work she needs time and space to figure through the highs and
lows in what she is embarking on. You have to be open to know that people
change, grow, evolve not all at the same pace and not all in the same way but
that is where the old saying I use “Life is Sum of Choice you Make” comes into
play. It’s up to you to choose if you wanna stick it out and be there while
someone that’s hurt you or you haven’t seen a lot of or just someone that you
have grown apart from deals with the same things you are but in their way. With
the hurt do you need this time to figure out is it worth it or is my resentment
going to be here forever. With the one
you haven’t seen a lot of do you take the road of let’s do lunch and catch up on
our life’s since we last were around each other. And with the Distance and
growing apart to you try to mend that bridge with active trying daily to find the
source of the Chasm or do you let it go and chalk it up to Life moving rapidly
forward?
The
Second is the awakening when you realize WOW life is happening, in the
beginning of the song she is so ready to get that time to figure her out and
find what she thinks she is missing and along the way hoping he sticks around
to see the woman she’s becoming. I know that both are hard roles to be in but
what do you do when on her hand you feel as if no matter what happens he may
leave because I put this man through hell for a while and now he’s done. I
wanna be better version of me not just for me or him but us and everything I do
isn’t good enough? Or on his end given so much of him to this cause this love
that is so Amazing in his eyes because he sees forever in her eyes and then to
be put in this place where she needs space now and she is pushing you away so
you think, so you close off and get angry. Like I said I have been in both positions
and it sucks for both but who knows if either will work or will be what both you
and the other person need to be that Happily Ever After?
I
guess the goal for me is Happiness and in that comes with friends that build
you up not just suck the life out of you and out of a room. Real friends that
you know if you invited your entire friend base over there would be no drama
because all of them would be an extension of you therefore they would all
pretty much feel as if they know each other. A woman who loves me flaws and all
and we have been through life together I have seen her fall and crawl and fight
and climb and grow, believe, change, evolve, love more than she ever has and
build something more than just bad memories together, a woman who I see
forever in her eyes and I daily fall back in love with her because of her smile.
A family that gets me and is supportive but that has always been the case I
have been blessed and, in that the ones that is more than just best friends or
friends the family outside my family that Ride to Hell with me and pull me back
when I get to comfortable there. I am seeing those aspects more and more as I
get older and life happens to me and it makes me so happy and freaks me out
LOL.
I
will finish with I NEED THIS moment in my life and I love this moment in my
life. I wanna thank EVERYONE I mean the Lighthouse in my life who has dealt
with the best and worst versions of me and still wanna see it through till the
end, the friends that have come and stayed and I couldn’t forget if I wanted to
cause they are lifers, the family that is Irreplaceable for all the best
reasons. Then to the ones that ran away the ones that left a bad taste in my
mouth, the users, and abuser, the Misery Loves Company Members thank you the
most without all of them and some of you reading this I would not have been
able to see and now have this Amazing Army in my corner not just my One &
Only but A Force of Nature an AMAZING
Group of people that I can call at a moment’s notice to defend the
ground in which cannot be shaken by Negativity or Jealousy or Spite.
Look
to the Skies because my Light doesn’t stay Dim Long, gravity and me were never
friends!!!
Live,
Love, Laugh, Dance,
-I
See You…-
*Life
is the Sum of Choices you Make*
Ty
2012
