I warn off this title because it was either this one or “Cold” so I chose this one. It is the title of 1 of Rihanna’s songs off her loud album and I am diggin’ it right not. Who isn’t Complicated? Lies if you said you aren’t everyone is complicated in some way, I don’t like when people say I am a great girlfriend or boyfriend I am easy to be with, its not hard to be with me. I call bullshit everyone has a complicated personality the only difference is when we meet someone weather friend or more then that your complicated traits and behavior are subdued because you guys mesh well. Why is everything with you so complicated when you hear that leave, cut your loses and move on. Don’t make something work difficult is part of growing but complicated is 2 opposites that don’t attract or 2 of a kind that mesh awful together.
How do you know when enough is enough, when flattering becomes unnecessary lust, when happiness and settling the same word, when your insecurities are all you live on, when the little things no longer matter, these for me are all things that make me Complicated. But I am completely ok with saying it out loud or writing it on paper. I love this skin most of the time as appose to some of the time. I have been learning so much in last couple years just about how I only saw the world in my eyes and that’s all I needed it was and is just me I don’t need to experience everything because for 1 that’s impossible in 1 lifetime. At least now things in me are a bit different, I know now not everyone you meet is looking for the best interest in you, not everyone is forgiving, there are truly some evil things in the world. And well life goes with or with out me I just got to pick my roads and live with those decisions. I can do that I don’t mind so much the ups and downs of living my life anymore I just realize more each year each month I sit behind this laptop pouring out my thoughts to the world that LIFE is what you make it and I know I say it quite frequently but holds true to me and that I will never defer from. Life is complicated we make choices on others wants and needs not on our hearts and what our soul moves us to do. If everyone did what they felt and was passionate about things in our world right now be different but its ok because life is complicated and that alright. I am not easy to love, be around sometime, loud, compulsive, committed only to my career, over bullshit, love being alone, I am sure about the things I can’t control, I bruise easily, I love hard, I love often, I hate just as fast, I feel. I am complicated and for me that’s ok I don’t care if it effects people who I am or what I do or where I live or who my friends are or how often I visit, keep in touch etc. I keep in touch because I love people and feel connected to my friends and family on the same side of that coin parts of me wants to write post theses blogs and that’s it disappear into another country, another city, and only surface to write about my life and live. I feel obligated to not do too much I don’t wanna worry friends or family about my life but no longer what I do after this contract is my own where I go what I do is my own and mines alone. I am COMPLICATED I am constantly evolving and with this month I found some strength in me I have never seen before. I am me take it or leave it. What makes you complicated and our your friends and family ok with that? Who cares the ones that loves you is all that matters in the real world. I am Complicated because complicated isn’t bad it just is. Your complications are your own, own them, live through them, embrace them. I love your complicatedness it makes you unique and I love you for it so in closing love me cause I AM COMPLICATED…
