GONE (05-15-2011)

    

    I like this title it is from somewhere different then I tend to think or feel. It is the title of a song off Jennifer Hudson’s new album but the song is not a inspiration to this lil’ piece of my mind today. This comes to the world in time of great crisis and calm, love and sorrow, confusion and clarity. The world is screwed up and I don’t mean on just what’s happening if you watch CNN for 30seconds there is disaster everywhere both naturally and what were doing. I was watching TV in Stockholm and it was just awful so much pain, misery, sorrow, and just damn sadness but then you see a glimpse of light; a new set of twins are born or someone does something extraordinary and you smile just for a second. For me it was the Royal Wedding cheesy I know because I am not British but it was so beautiful to see something just genuinely nice and uplifting and fun. So much is uncertain and people say so much about the future you hear the whispers shhh “The World is Ending” it the End of Days according to this legend or this script or this old woman or rich man bored. The world has been ending since we got on it look out the window you can’t throw a rock in any direction without hitting a new skyscraper or some new gas gosling device or computer that will help you wipe your ass better. I personally don’t care either way if the natural disasters keep getting worse or if a nuke takes us out or Aliens finally get pissed about getting experimented on or a meteor comes were GONE. Tell me what could you do? LIVE in this moment stop pacing your life around this myth or prophecy or ancient guess if something happens then roll with if the world stops turns suck it up we did our part to fuck it up and we have deal with the fact that mother nature is kinda pissed right now. If it gets worse prepare for bad weather don’t everyone run and get saved and start prayer after 20, or 30 years of silence you want to get close to something because you think it’s the end. If eternity if forever then hey sign me up when its my time. But enjoy this moment NOW in this time, I have missed close friends wedding, babies born, funerals, engagement parties, graduations, so many celebrations because I was dancing or well it is always because of dance LOL. My goddaughter is HS and I won’t miss her graduation my 2 godsons is told there mom to tell them about me so they know me when I can see them more. My family knows I love them and that I do this for me because I don’t want regrets in my life. I feel bad that I missed these moments but I wouldn’t change it because I would have missed parts of me. I see those moments are GONE now I have to make the time to do those things because my family and friends have always been there weather it’s my Amazing Aunt who I just got back in touch with after 10 years or some new amazing friends I have met in all these years of traveling and seeing the world, or Tee Boo Big Dave, Lord Fokqua and Granny Goodness and the rest of the family that deal with ME and if you know me you know that is a full time job LOL. Sometimes things are GONE forever and that’s life and sometimes things are only out your grasp until you want them to be in arms reach. So much is changing in life in the world my favorite show is now over and I feel empty and down it was apart of me for 10 years and 218 episodes and its bittersweet to me. Its GONE and I have to change the things I can change and deal with the things I can’t. Life is always fleeting LOVE big and wild because 2morrow may not come, DANCE like this is your last performance, and LIVE like this moment is your last. Enjoy what you can enjoy and filter the rest weather your younger or older something is GONE  and you want it back if it’s a girl pour your heart and deal with the consequences, if it’s a job work your ass off to get it. But know when to move forward and not dwell in the past.
-LIVE, LOVE, DANCE-
I See You…

Don't Hold Your Breath... (05-04-2011)

I like that title it fits in so well for right now in my universe I love it its not bitter, jaded, or upset it just is and that is great. Ironically it is the title to a song by the lovely and amazing Nicole Scherzinger. It is some powerful words behind this song I first heard it right after I finished my last Blog which was right before I got on board the ship and let me just say so much has happen. I love the things that’s happening in my life, life has a funny way of giving you exactly what you need when you need it. You know I remember moving to Las Vegas thinking I never want to do ships again I had my fun I seen the world and well that was that. I come back and even in rehearsal I was thrown by how much I loved the environment of so many dancers from everywhere just dancing. 3 casts in and out of rehearsal in a gorgeous facility and just the whole rehearsal period of 8 hours of dance. Then we get to this floating city and I am taken back by the whole life all over again the put-ins, costume fittings, handover parties, opening night nerves, and finally random night of random events with random people LOL.

    I choose this title because I love what she sings about in this song it is true and real and hurtful and a bit pissed off and I get it. To say to someone don’t hold your breath is powerful, people think in all cultures they have that power over you and if you allow them they do and that is what could make the most decent of people do awful things. If we don’t allow that to happen or you cut it off before it becomes a part of who you are then good on you. She says “I loved you so much that I thought that you could change and all you brought me is a heart full of pain”. She also goes on to say “your days gone lets face facts the bad movie ends and the screen fades to black”. When you think about the meaning behind all she is saying and what do you get from it I get it Love, even Like is a fickle thing and you have to have the stomach to deal with rejection and with acceptance. “If you think I’m coming back Don’t Hold Your Breath” I love that it is exactly what it is sometimes we get so sweep up in the world we know that we miss so much in the actual world that’s going on without us even knowing it. We had a beautiful royal wedding that I watched and loved, we have so many wars going on and the killing of a major terrorist I am not even going to touch on the weather. Look up and smile that you alive and well and know things could be better.

    Sorry another tangent but I look up and think where would I be if I didn’t leave Michigan or I didn’t leave Disney I don’t know but I do know the people along the way that made this journey difficult and yet I am thankful for them even more then the ones I love dearly and those people know who they are. But without the enemies, back stabbing friends, and well the crazies you lay in bed with you truly don’t appreciate the amazing friends you have in your life trust me I know I have had my fair share of fake friends, awful people, and SHITTY relationships. I look back and I don’t know why I never had the strength to leave or stand up I guess those bad movies ended and the screened faded to black and now I write my life well only certain parts LOL I can only live with the circumstances I put myself in and that is all I would ask to do.
 “Life is the Sum of Choices you Make” make some wrong choices and grow from them, make good and enjoy them.
-I Don’t live for the enjoyment of Others
-I See You…-