Yesterday (2012-02-14)

Yesterdays

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

          

  “Yesterday all my troubles seem so far away, now it looks as though there here to stay. I believe in yesterday, oh so suddenly I am not half the man I used to be there is a shadow hanging over me. Yesterday came suddenly I think I said something wrong now I long for a yesterday.”

         

   Now I truly love these lyrics I was thinking of songs with yesterday in it and 6 or 7 stood out in their own way. The first couple of lines is a remake that both En Vogue, and Boys II Men did which is beautiful, it talks to me in that yesterday was a less hectic time in my life and that I believe in yesterday what I had who I was and makes me think do I want to go back to yesterday? I think both versions sung by a male group and female group is really good how the message I get in both is the same. In Leona Lewis song Yesterday she sings…

“They can take 2morrow and the plans we made, they can take the music that we never played. All the broken dreams take everything just take it away but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we’ll never know they can take the places that we said we would go.”

It is beautiful how so many songs can have the same titles and mean so many different things. In Leona’s version of yesterday it says to me hey what we had was amazing so whatever is happening now in life they can’t take yesterday for us the time we spent, the memories we made the love we had. I love that thought of whatever has happen in the past is that the past but no one can take yesterday away from you. I think that’s amazing way to look at love lost or friendships ending or just moving on in general. Shanice version of Yesterday she hits the chorus hard with these lyrics…

“I can’t stay and keep living this lie, I finally found the strength to say goodbye I’m on my way nothing can change my mind. I’m leaving behind what we had yesterday.”

It is truly crazy to me, just in awe in the diversity of lyrics and meaning in each song. Shanice is nail in the coffin real I get it in my own way. It’s done and she is moving forward, she is sick of fighting for it and faking it when there is nothing there or the love has fizzled out. I completely understand all versions of the word yesterday I went to my thesaurus and typed yesterday here are the words that came up the past, the recent past, days gone by, former times, yesteryear. And the antonym was Today, which made me laugh a bit.  

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow‘s a mystery, today is a gift that’s why it’s called the Present.”

 That quote jumped out to me as I was typing antonym lol, it is such a true statement and I think as much as it sucks to follow that and live in that state of mind it is what’s best for almost everyone. I listen to all these songs about yesterday on Valentine’s Day just thinking I have shows tonight and I need to go to the gym. I will not harp on things I cannot change “Life is the Sum of Choices You Make” I have made some of mine and now must either suck it up or live through them or not and change it again. The best part about us as people we do have the ability to transcend the natural laws of life and the status quo of being human and be more then we were and that takes time and effort and i think I am seriously ready to put in the work and evolve again. If everyone sees me as the man or boy I was the last time we met I can never grow in their eyes and that’s no way to build anything specifically relationships, friendships, businesses. Its taking some time now but yesterday is history and I have to find the strength in that and move through it to move forward in my life cycle. I miss yesteryear so much so many parts of days gone by returns in my memories and I want to relive them and I can’t there is no do over’s in life so I must accept those things and keep in tune with my path and what I want out of this life.

I wrote this in the thought process of thinking about days gone by things that are no longer what they were and learning to accept that and personally the steps I need to take when yesterday is not healthy for you or not for you anymore. We all deserve better than our yesterday’s and until we see that we will continue down this cycle of repeats in our life’s that will have us forever trapped in the “What ifs?” So in ending this one for now we control our destiny we manifest the things we want and don’t want. Look in the mirror and realize sometimes you have to say goodbye, its okay to reminisce on the things you had just don’t let that notion consume all of you or live in that memory.

Happy Valentine’s Day to the all lover’s out there, if mine is out there or reading this I hope you know my Stereo Heart beats for you. And yours beats for me!!!

-I See You…-

Cried Me A River (2012-02-05)

Cried Me a River

It is a great song by Kristinia DeBarge it is poppy and kind of sad but it has some great lyrics. I love the song and as I sit here writing this it is holding more and truer and it sucks but feels liberating at the same time cause have sat and played Defense for so long in the world I live in trying to prove myself to people who don’t really care about me at all. I am DONE and I have said that in the past but now I know that I am I have gotten the shit end of relationships way too long. I never played hard ball or was mean, malicious, or just plain heartless, in saying that though I think the time is now to be more honest about the emotions I have and when someone hurts me. The song is done really well in the sense of the matter the structure of it. Here are some of the lyrics

- “I still remember the day that we met I hung onto every word you said you asked me to surrender and that's what I did and you broke my heart again and again.
So now you are sorry like you are in love, but where was your sorry when you broke it all up?
I told myself never again, there ain't no way I'm lettin' you in Because I keep rememberin' when you played me.”-

I cried me a river, I cried me a sea I cried me an ocean, I cried me a stream I'm fresh out of teardrops, you got me on E I'm out of emotion, got nothin' in me.

                Love those lyrics so much they are so real and so right to it, this is what happen this is what you did to me and this is how things are going to go from here on out. I never have it in me to be that way at all, in saying that recent events have turned my head into that general direction to that place of done. It’s not that I’m bitter it’s just that I’m done my heart finally said enough is enough. I am at that point in my personal relationships with friends, family, and lovers. I am so tired of giving it is starting to wear on me like a full leather jacket in Las Vegas during June. I am nice and I know that is not always the case but for the majority of my life I can say I have been good at being good. I was talking to a friend about karma tonight and they made a good point its only karma if you did someone wrong so this is your karma. And that is so true I don’t feel l have wronged anyone I just feel like I get the shit end of all relationships. It makes me kind of sad because I think most of my close friends’ rock out, and then there are the others that drain all of me. I mean that last statement for family, friends, and who I date. The sad part is each one is getting more tiring so I probably should stop the train. I don’t know where I am right now I feel a loss for words now and a lost for what to do next and that’s where I am now. I am all cried out I am exhausted, hurt, done being done. I feel the things in my life I can control is what I mess up the most. I know what I want and what I deserve I can never just put them together. They say anything worth having is worth fighting for but I have fought enough it is somebody or anybodies turn in this moment to fight for me. I can live in this world alone because I know I am never alone I have so many people in my life who love and care for me and I am pretty awesome. Those are the things I hold on too as I grow in any direction the connections we make with one another. I would love for once someone to show me they care and that I mean more to them then the person next to me. You know to feel unappreciated is an awful feeling and one that I feel quite a lot so I try to look at the glass half full most often in my life because what would be the point to reminisce on things that aren’t anymore the past is just that the past. I wrote in a previous entry titled Lesson Learned great song by Alicia Keys feat John Mayer in it they sing

 “Life perfect Ain't perfect If you don't know what the struggle's for Falling down ain't falling down If you don't cry when you hit the floor It's called the past cause I'm getting past And I ain't nothing like I was before You ought to see me now.”

            So True I love that and the whole song is that good. But it is all good I now know what I deserve and what I want and life is going to continue to be my ouster. I won’t let this incident or any others whether they be in the past, present, or future shake me any longer Life is the Sum of Choices you Make and I have to own mine and live with them and the rewards & consequences that come with them. My body isn’t built to mad, angry, spiteful, or resentful, but I know better than anyone how quickly the weather can change.

          In closing I am completely cried out, and like the saying goes “No man or woman is worth your tears, but the one who is will never make you cry sad tears.” I believe it more and more and I have to believe in me more and more I know who I am and what I bring to this big planet. I hope that in reading this it gives you all you some of what you need to be better then you were before.

Dance like no one is watching & Love like tomorrow won’t arrive!!!

New Years Blues-Mistakes (2011-12-31)

New Years Blues “Mistakes”

          I think I have New Years Blues because I feel at the end of every year I reflect on the year passing and the things I have been through. I think the title comes from the fact that in recent months I have had some awful dreams and it makes me think I have made some mistakes and in my head and heart I feel as if I need to own these mistakes embrace the wrong, the pain take it in stride and also see the good and the joy I have got from these “Trade Mistakes” or “Beautiful Mistakes.”

          I got a couple of songs that came to mind in this moment “Trade Mistakes” by a favorite band of mine Panic at the Disco. It is singing about trading mistakes with the person in your life, I love that concept what if you could trade mistakes with them maybe they could understand why you feel the way you feel. See things differently if even for a moment. I would like to think its not a mistakes just a new opportunity to learn another life experience. He sings “I may never sleep tonight as long as your still burning bright I’ll stay awake till I trade my mistakes or they fade away.” I love that how different would relationships and friendships be if you could just go here babe here are my mistakes now do you see where I am coming from. Who knows maybe not but I love the thought and it just been on my mind because I wish I could get people to understand why I am the way I am. But I can’t so in some situations it is just a matter of taking the good from that moment and learn from the bad.

          The second comes from an amazing song from Keri Hilson. I dig it may quote the whole first couple lines.

“I follow my heart but every time I do It gets me lost and left in the dark But I think it's clear this time I guess we're just not compatible, no You pick me up, you let me down You give me nothing to fall on,.”

 I love the song it is another line I will quote before I get my thoughts out. It goes

“Damn, I wish that Cupid's arrow never hit, never went through me, through me I wish we never crossed the line I wish I never gave you this body. That isn’t 'bout no other Better friends then lovers Lets just call this what it is. Damn never thought I would say We were a beautiful mistake and it is what it is Can't say it no other way We were a beautiful mistake and it is what it i.”

I was thrown cause it was like really good to hear, you think that in your life experience and in your relations with people that you would have gained some wisdom or some kind of insight and you don’t you learn something new every day and every person you meet. Or you learn from or teach something and that’s what I love about life. It has been a hell of a year and that is a good thing I take that back a great thing so much has happen and I love all that has happen it has been a blessing and I as I write this in the early hours of 2012 I smile because life could be so different and life has been so different and I miss so many people and I think they know who they are. I just need to say some mistakes are beautiful because in 3 months or 6 months that mistake or miss judgment can surprise you hell in 3 days the change can be all you need to stick it out and make it work or call it quits. Nothing is perfect but if you find your right kind of crazy it is worth it and I truly belief it cause I have had my fair share of crazy. And trust me at this age I think now know I will not deal with it, it’s not worth the stress or heartache. So back to my train of thought I belief in mistakes I don’t belief in regrets mistakes are doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results. I love where I am and I could not ask for better growth and meaning in my life whatever happens I am content with knowing hey I tried I did all I could. The only difference is A beautiful mistake is major they matter more they have more of an impact so you feel more if that mistake takes hold of you molds you, consumes you. I am who I am all the time and it took some years some growth some hard times and some bull shit but I did it and I love who is in the mirror cause I blamed everyone till I took one of my idols message and STARTED WITH THE MAN IN THE MIRROR and I needed to change before the world could (in my eyes at least). I am me now 24/7 and it is such a more peaceful and loving life with meaning and that’s all I could ask for with the New Year.

          So hears to 2012 may life bring you beautiful mistakes so you can have the strength and wisdom to learn, grow, and live through them…

Live, Love, and Dance

“Life is the Sum of Choices You Make”

<3 Ty 2012