Cried Me A River (2012-02-05)

Cried Me a River

It is a great song by Kristinia DeBarge it is poppy and kind of sad but it has some great lyrics. I love the song and as I sit here writing this it is holding more and truer and it sucks but feels liberating at the same time cause have sat and played Defense for so long in the world I live in trying to prove myself to people who don’t really care about me at all. I am DONE and I have said that in the past but now I know that I am I have gotten the shit end of relationships way too long. I never played hard ball or was mean, malicious, or just plain heartless, in saying that though I think the time is now to be more honest about the emotions I have and when someone hurts me. The song is done really well in the sense of the matter the structure of it. Here are some of the lyrics

- “I still remember the day that we met I hung onto every word you said you asked me to surrender and that's what I did and you broke my heart again and again.
So now you are sorry like you are in love, but where was your sorry when you broke it all up?
I told myself never again, there ain't no way I'm lettin' you in Because I keep rememberin' when you played me.”-

I cried me a river, I cried me a sea I cried me an ocean, I cried me a stream I'm fresh out of teardrops, you got me on E I'm out of emotion, got nothin' in me.

                Love those lyrics so much they are so real and so right to it, this is what happen this is what you did to me and this is how things are going to go from here on out. I never have it in me to be that way at all, in saying that recent events have turned my head into that general direction to that place of done. It’s not that I’m bitter it’s just that I’m done my heart finally said enough is enough. I am at that point in my personal relationships with friends, family, and lovers. I am so tired of giving it is starting to wear on me like a full leather jacket in Las Vegas during June. I am nice and I know that is not always the case but for the majority of my life I can say I have been good at being good. I was talking to a friend about karma tonight and they made a good point its only karma if you did someone wrong so this is your karma. And that is so true I don’t feel l have wronged anyone I just feel like I get the shit end of all relationships. It makes me kind of sad because I think most of my close friends’ rock out, and then there are the others that drain all of me. I mean that last statement for family, friends, and who I date. The sad part is each one is getting more tiring so I probably should stop the train. I don’t know where I am right now I feel a loss for words now and a lost for what to do next and that’s where I am now. I am all cried out I am exhausted, hurt, done being done. I feel the things in my life I can control is what I mess up the most. I know what I want and what I deserve I can never just put them together. They say anything worth having is worth fighting for but I have fought enough it is somebody or anybodies turn in this moment to fight for me. I can live in this world alone because I know I am never alone I have so many people in my life who love and care for me and I am pretty awesome. Those are the things I hold on too as I grow in any direction the connections we make with one another. I would love for once someone to show me they care and that I mean more to them then the person next to me. You know to feel unappreciated is an awful feeling and one that I feel quite a lot so I try to look at the glass half full most often in my life because what would be the point to reminisce on things that aren’t anymore the past is just that the past. I wrote in a previous entry titled Lesson Learned great song by Alicia Keys feat John Mayer in it they sing

 “Life perfect Ain't perfect If you don't know what the struggle's for Falling down ain't falling down If you don't cry when you hit the floor It's called the past cause I'm getting past And I ain't nothing like I was before You ought to see me now.”

            So True I love that and the whole song is that good. But it is all good I now know what I deserve and what I want and life is going to continue to be my ouster. I won’t let this incident or any others whether they be in the past, present, or future shake me any longer Life is the Sum of Choices you Make and I have to own mine and live with them and the rewards & consequences that come with them. My body isn’t built to mad, angry, spiteful, or resentful, but I know better than anyone how quickly the weather can change.

          In closing I am completely cried out, and like the saying goes “No man or woman is worth your tears, but the one who is will never make you cry sad tears.” I believe it more and more and I have to believe in me more and more I know who I am and what I bring to this big planet. I hope that in reading this it gives you all you some of what you need to be better then you were before.

Dance like no one is watching & Love like tomorrow won’t arrive!!!