New Years Blues “Mistakes”
I think I have New Years Blues because I feel at the end of
every year I reflect on the year passing and the things I have been through. I
think the title comes from the fact that in recent months I have had some awful
dreams and it makes me think I have made some mistakes and in my head and heart
I feel as if I need to own these mistakes embrace the wrong, the pain take it
in stride and also see the good and the joy I have got from these “Trade
Mistakes” or “Beautiful Mistakes.”
I got a couple of songs that came to mind in this moment
“Trade Mistakes” by a favorite band of mine Panic at the Disco. It is singing
about trading mistakes with the person in your life, I love that concept what
if you could trade mistakes with them maybe they could understand why you feel
the way you feel. See things differently if even for a moment. I would like to
think its not a mistakes just a new opportunity to learn another life
experience. He sings “I may never sleep tonight as long as your still burning
bright I’ll stay awake till I trade my mistakes or they fade away.” I love that
how different would relationships and friendships be if you could just go here
babe here are my mistakes now do you see where I am coming from. Who knows
maybe not but I love the thought and it just been on my mind because I wish I
could get people to understand why I am the way I am. But I can’t so in some
situations it is just a matter of taking the good from that moment and learn
from the bad.
The second comes from an amazing song from Keri Hilson. I
dig it may quote the whole first couple lines.
“I follow my heart but every time I do It
gets me lost and left in the dark But I think it's
clear this time I guess we're just not compatible, no
You pick me up, you let me down You
give me nothing to fall on,.”
I love the song it is another line I will
quote before I get my thoughts out. It goes
“Damn, I wish that Cupid's arrow never hit, never
went through me, through me I wish we never crossed the
line I wish I never gave you this body. That isn’t
'bout no other Better friends then lovers Lets just call this what it is. Damn never thought I would say
We were a beautiful mistake and it is what it is Can't say it no other way We were a
beautiful mistake and it is what it i.”
I
was thrown cause it was like really good to hear, you think that in your life
experience and in your relations with people that you would have gained some
wisdom or some kind of insight and you don’t you learn something new every day
and every person you meet. Or you learn from or teach something and that’s what
I love about life. It has been a hell of a year and that is a good thing I take
that back a great thing so much has happen and I love all that has happen it
has been a blessing and I as I write this in the early hours of 2012 I smile
because life could be so different and life has been so different and I miss so
many people and I think they know who they are. I just need to say some
mistakes are beautiful because in 3 months or 6 months that mistake or miss
judgment can surprise you hell in 3 days the change can be all you need to
stick it out and make it work or call it quits. Nothing is perfect but if you
find your right kind of crazy it is worth it and I truly belief it cause I have
had my fair share of crazy. And trust me at this age I think now know I will
not deal with it, it’s not worth the stress or heartache. So back to my train
of thought I belief in mistakes I don’t belief in regrets mistakes are doing
the same thing over and over and expecting the same results. I love where I am
and I could not ask for better growth and meaning in my life whatever happens I
am content with knowing hey I tried I did all I could. The only difference is A
beautiful mistake is major they matter more they have more of an impact so you
feel more if that mistake takes hold of you molds you, consumes you. I am who I
am all the time and it took some years some growth some hard times and some
bull shit but I did it and I love who is in the mirror cause I blamed everyone
till I took one of my idols message and STARTED WITH THE MAN IN THE MIRROR and
I needed to change before the world could (in my eyes at least). I am me now
24/7 and it is such a more peaceful and loving life with meaning and that’s all
I could ask for with the New Year.
So
hears to 2012 may life bring you beautiful mistakes so you can have the
strength and wisdom to learn, grow, and live through them…
Live, Love, and Dance
“Life is the Sum of Choices You Make”
<3 Ty 2012
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