Standing O
OK so I know I rarely do two a month but since the month is almost up and I have things I wanna get off me brain here goes another. I want to start and say this song is my life in a nutshell, not all my life but in a relationship I feel this song just plays at the end credits of my relationships. It is a great song of Mariah Carey’s Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel I will just post some lyrics here and there cause with this song I want the whole song on here.
“Boy, you remind me of a love that seemed so sublime. Your kisses told me oh so many lies; shades on like I be stuntin' through the night, But I decided with the eyes to keep the world from knowin' what's inside. I didn't know I was a show and your words they had no meaning. How didn't I foresee this? Happiness and congrats, Know that I pretend I mean it”
WOW I could write novels on just these 4 lines. I mean I have been in this head of mine way too long I was thinking; anything worth having is worth fighting for, things can change she is an amazing person, all my friends don’t see what I see, they don’t the her I love. Wow someone find that lil’ pussy and smack him. I made excuses for every freakin last one she older and kinda bitter, or she just young and wasn’t raised like we were, this one a couple of times “she don’t love like we love not everybody had what I had growing up”. I guess I was blessed and for that I am overjoyed Tee-Boo & Big Dave did your job cheers to you. But when did I lose me and at what point did I look at myself as less then what I am? I say that as in the fact I saw a pattern and didn’t break it I saw a repeat of things in different forms and just fell anyway. Wow I looked in the mirror last night and went where are you? And come back NOW shit is falling apart, I was calling my CHILDHOOD!!! I looked back and I remember a bad ass that cared 2 shits about the world at large the thing I wine and bitch about wasn’t in existence then for me nor did I give. I remember treating to blow up my High school (back when it wasn’t crazy to do that), I was off my shit. I understood relationships don’t work, woman was the better sex when it comes to liars and cheaters (Ya’ll do it better than we Do). I knew that because most of my friends were and still are WOMAN. I hear this song and I wanna punch me, I mean my High School self wanna junk punch who I saw in the mirror last night. I refer to these lyrics for round 2
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“You played the one that loved you the most so here's your standing O. Gave you my heart and all you did was pound on it (so heres your standing O). Here's your standing ovation. Doctor, I was too patient. Even when you wasn't enough, I'm the one that taught you how to love.
And boy I gave you all of me, parts of affection you couldn't see.
As you embrace her in your arms give her "my all" give her more than you gave to me.
When you had nothing I gave. When you were weak I made you brave.
You went and leave me with the scars on my heart, it's funny how ya'll forget it all.”
I had the game down, and that was just it I was having fun. When did life get so serious I stopped living it? I don’t know about you but for me it was around 2004 when I moved to Disney and since I have thought each year the same BS “I have grown life is what you make it, Life is the Sum of Choices you Make.” What have I learned in the relationship department because the rest I can figure out and its worked amazingly I have had a great career and great times doing what I love. Why do I keep making the same AWFUL MISTAKES? I should know better Tamika, Kissie, Krishawn, Tasha would smack this boy if they saw me today. I loved those girls and so many more Tequilla, Amber, Candice I was all of you ladies love child own it Women. That is the highest compliment in my life because without you ladies I would not have met such amazing women in my life now that are you girls just my age and I get all of them. I take my hat off to Amanda, Shatika, Jocelyn, Shayla, Nakesha, Cassandra and Colette (Take a freakin’ Bow) because you women and so many more I won’t name are my hope. I thought to my other self all day today I said “Tim all these years you been on your own why have you been dating woman completely opposite of the women you looked up to when we were younger and the woman that are your Pillars’ today?” They don’t make many of those models anymore. And that’s a sad statement because I’m falling off, somebody need to save me for once, or Women talk to your sisters. Give these insecure, heartless, selfish, lying, stupid women a good woman to woman talk, hold these “I think I am good at the game” Girls (cause they aint women) down by the neck and talk some sense into them. Seriously ya’ll need to have conference worldwide and make these girls attend so they can know how to be women. Don’t take it personally none of the girls I have dated this isn’t you specified its going to lots of girls that’s just screwing their life up without even noticing the smart Woman whispering in your hear with help. This last part I will quote because the FINAL round is next.
“Round of applause to the biggest fool in the world give 'em all that you got and they still ride out into the sunset with the next girl. Standing Ovation, Congradulations Damn I was down for it gave you my heart and all you did was pound on it.”
So I will wrap this up I am up to 3 pages on my word document LOL. I SURRENDERED so quickly to the world of girls and gave into the roles I wasn’t familiar with to fit in and belong. And only when I had a conversation with a 16 year old me (great song ref to my girl P!nk) did I realize my pillars now I should listen to more, like I listened to my babysitters and first company dancers back in the day. I wanna commend the women in recent years all SUCESSFULLY SCREWED OVER A GOOD GUY, so here is your standing ovation take this victory and tell you current boyfriends, bed buddies, secret life, gang of friends you know how fun it was cause you gave me all the tools to successfully and finally GROW THE HELL UP wake to life in 2012. Oh and for successfully waking a sleeping dragon, to sound like an old school Saturday morning villain “Tim was a push over only holding me back from my true self I give you TY LAMAR!!!
This world deserves a better class of Man and I’m sorry I have been gone for so long :) Lets Go, I have summed up this decade of choices and I disagree with how he handled that chuck of our life. So THINGS-R-CHANGING AROUND HERE… Have a great Summer see you all soon!!!
PS I am worth this Galaxy to myself and deserve that in return :)
–I See You…-
<3 Ty 2012
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