Better in Time (2012-05-19)

Better in Time

          Yes it took 12,000 songs and a whole lot of time and thought but I found a song and a thought process for me right now. Leona Lewis never fails to hit a good nail on the head, off her first album one of her first singles after bleeding love. It is a beautiful song I enjoy and feel the entire song come on you know I goggled the lyrics and was sold on it lol.

She speaks sings about the aftermath of a break up and what everyone tells you but you never hear it in the moment “it will all get better in time”. It is a process we all got through and hate to feel but the line is true it will all get better in time I will sit a aside some lines for lyrics:

if I’m dreaming don’t wanna let you hurt my feelings
but that the path, I believe in and I know that, time will heal it
you didn’t notice, you meant everything quickly I’m learning, to love again
all I know is, imma be ok

thought I couldn’t live without you its gonna hurt when it heals to
it'll all get better in time
even though I really love you I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to
it'll all get better in time

since threes no more you and me its time I let you go so I can be free
and live my life how it should be no matter how hard it is ill be fine without you
yes I will

            It was amazing to read these lyrics and feel them completely. Relationships are hard as hell and sometimes more then not END and the process that comes after either makes you stronger or makes you fall into a whole that is too deep to get out alone. I should know I was there 2 years ago and the things that happen after and the people that were there are lifers I will love them until I stop breathing and watch over them in my divine state. I learned so much about me and about what I want and deserve and should expect from someone when you love each other. But in the back of my head I always had that need to save or that innate ability I got from my mother to be there, love the unlovable, care for the weak, and listen to the lost. And it is a great character trait and my kryptonite, it will get better in time is what I repeat lately. Lately I have felt both calmer and yet so angry and upset and dark. And to hear people who have just met me for the first time feel that  bad vibe or get that dark energy from me has hit a cord that took this long to unwind and get out.

          I love what I do and what I do is perform and smile, dance and live and it is the best career and yet so awful and sad and dark. You make choices and those choices reverberate through the hollow walls of your life and affect everything after.  The past is History that part is known to be true because the past makes you into who you are in this moment in your life but it don’t control you, Unless it does and life’s a constant repeat of past mistakes and past relationships and past negative experiences. When will you get better with time I look to music for those answer I look to the stage but lately the stage has been stressful, and hard and negative and dark. When those were the only place I knew without a shadow of a doubt that they were places of light, warmth and relax. “You didn’t notice you meant everything quickly I’m learning, to love again all I know is, I’m ma be ok” I love this line. I have known in my heart of hearts I am nice, loving, caring, forgiving, passionate, emotional, loud, funny, and talented but recently I felt so much more opposite like I felt years ago just slightly worst because I thought I learned my lesson. Not just from personality stand point but from a professional one, personal, relationship, friends and family. I see in the latter part of my 20’s everyone can’t be saved, everyone can’t be forgiven, every lost soul can’t be found. And most of all in my eyes not to lose yourself in someone and give all without getting at least 70% in return, they don’t have to give 100% maybe they damaged or life happen and they didn’t bounce back right away or maybe bad timing. But there has to be some kind of acknowledgement of your worth or at least the thought that you mean something to them weather it’s a friend who need a txt saying “hey just was thinking of ya hope all is good”, or a girlfriend calling and saying “Babe I just wanted to tell you I love you”. Without those things you start to lose YOU and I mean you start to feel less or used or unappreciated so you don’t wanna dance and the things that was home in your life is now torture. I was onboard a ship for a little over 14 months and learned sooooo much and I mean sooooo much about women, dance, people in general, me, how I am perceived, and what I should expect out of the humans of this planet. I mean the full spectrum friends you hang out with, girls you sleep with, girls you date, how guys act in general, how to deal with adversity, liars, crazies, unstable, insecure men and woman. I haven’t dealt or filtered I let it build until it almost breaks me. I was at Jubilee just long enough to hate coming to work, and the same thing happen about a week ago I just did not want to get up and dance and be around people I just wanted my laptop my music, movies, TV shows and just not happy. I know it’s time for some me time some alone in my head time get the darkness out find my happiness again recharge and look at life in different set of eyes I will  be 27 soon and life has to be a more then what I feel right in this moment. All that has happen in the last 2 years has made me stronger things will get better in time and they already are they feel warmer and a little lighter. I now know I deserve to smile and healing is a part of life and that the process is starting because yesterday is history the past is the past and now is a gift that’s why it’s called the Present. So I will be present in the present so things will get better in time.

Live, Love & Dance

Life is the Sum of Choices you Make 

-I See You…-

Pretty (2012-04-22)

Pretty 

                I loved this song from first drum beat. Nicole Scherzinger I give the credits to her on a live performance and never released single, which probably would have been a hit. I goggled the lyrics and the performance on youtube and was like I dig it. Here is the good part read these lyrics:
Can't believe how you make me feel pretty;
Pretty upset Pretty broke down
I feel so pretty Pretty messed up
Pretty much done
Now without you, super pretty
I will never be pretty messed up.
I don't wanna be pretty no more

Sick Right I thought wow she sounds amazing, then I watched it again and  I was damn I need to find these lyrics. I can’t believe you made me feel so pretty, pretty upset, pretty broke down when and who do you say this do. Have you ever had to think wow I feel stupid but empowered to keep it moving? I can I am not the only one that has played this role in a relationship before. Tell you things on surface to hold you in their grasp, under that are criticism for who you are at your core. It’s more than that it sucks because you hear this voice that at one point was so home in your eyes and felt so comfortable and now it is like a knife in the gut or heart. I need some clarity right now more then ever. Life tends to happen when you least expect it. I am super blessed and happy to be where I am in this world right now.

Sorry I have been thinking on how to finish this for almost a month I started this right after I got off the Emerald then I came to LA to do a skeleton team and now I am in a different mind set and a lot has happen since I started writing this one so I will finish this with next up is an unload so I hope your ready, don’t let anyone make you feel that way…

Live Love & Dance

You Love Me (2012-04-04)

First of all great song I was going to blog about the entire album because there is so many good tracks on it, Kelly Clarkson’s Stronger album is sick. I mean the title song Stronger, You Love Me, Einstein, The Sun Will Rise, Alone, Hello, You Can’t Win, Breaking Your Own Heart I think all of them are great. I chose this one because I read the title and thought awe a love song or ballad NO, it is empowering and loud and raw. The lyrics are amazing of course I goggled them; it is great to listen to a song like this at this moment. She talks about the parallel of dating someone and how they try to make you seem dumb or less then you are when it’s clear that it’s them. 
She says about the song "Sometimes people get really confused on what the idea of love really means."In the song she goes…

You say, I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough

But what you really mean is,

You're not good enough, you're not good enough

You can't deliver so you turn it around

[Chorus]

You didn't let me down, you didn't tear me apart

You just opened my eyes, while breaking my heart

You didn't do it for me I'm not as dumb as you think,

 You just made me cry While claiming that you love me

You love me, you love me

You said you loved me

but that I'm not good enough, i'm not good enough

Amazing I know and if you don’t think so that’s fine I am not the one to judge. My roomie put me up on this song cause I heard it but I was in love with Einstein then he said play this and thousands of plays later both on my laptop and headphones I blogged about it. I love it; it must suck to be with someone that manipulates your love or plays the poor me card to keep you. Let me say this is in no way about me LOL cause most of them are but this one is about the song I fell in love with it and the words and the meaning I got from it. Like the end of the verse trying to make you feel less to make them more or places blame on you when it is actually them. In the chorus she finds the power or the meaning of this awful relationship “You didn’t tear me apart, you just opened my eyes while breaking my heart.” I love that line because most people think in a bad situation that there is no silver lining, light at the end of the tunnel, or purpose in that bad situation and she says exactly what the lesson learned is, You didn’t tear me apart but you did open my eyes while breaking my heart. The best part is the heart can mend and over time and recovery it will be stronger then before that is why I love the phoenix every time it dies it rises stronger than before. In the end of the track she kind of repeats the chorus but she switches it up with this:

You just made me cry While claiming that you love me

You love me, you love me

You said you loved me

But the TRUTH is that your not good enough, your not good enough

Great way to end the song just in case they thought you were damaged by what they said BAM, Got’em your good. I think the song is amazing I will say it again IT, lol no seriously there are men and woman out there who bend the world to their reality so they feel Superior and more while thinking you less. How do you know? I have no idea I am not a therapist but I will say in experience when you start apologizing for being you it’s time to think about the situation you are in. Promises not met, dates forgotten, things over looked for you, but for them it is the end of the world if you miss anything. It’s a sad day when you wake up feeling as if that person doesn’t really care or that your lives aren’t on the same path.  Like she sings “you can’t deliver so you turn it around” it happens I know that to be true, when you’re made to feel like you’re wrong when you know that isn’t the case I know something is off. Love is not all it takes at the end of the day you need some compassion, understanding, compromise, and trust if those things are missing your screwed and you will feel trapped in an emotionless situation. You got to pick your battles and learn that not everything will work that life isn’t going to giving you lemonade all the time sometimes you get lemons it’s what you do with them that defines who you are, and the caliber of person you want to be. I guess in the interest of finishing this thought I will go “No man or woman is worth your tears, but the one who is will never make you make cry sad tears.”  There is ups and downs in relationships but when the bad outweighs the good RUN, just because they say they love you doesn’t mean they aren’t really saying “You’re Not Good Enough”.

Live, Love, dance –I See You…- “Life is The Sum Of Choices You Make”

Get It Right (2012-03-29)

Get it Right

Great song it was on an episode of, shhh don’t tell anyone Glee. I know I have fallen into Gleedom I was watching it with my roomie so I started from the top and it is a good show I will not say great but some of the music is realz good. Any who this was in season 2 and it was an original song and I love it, I goggled the lyrics “SHOCKING”. It is a great little meaning behind it for me it speaks to someone who is trying to make something or things work and all the efforts is making things worse. It can happen to the best of us, thinking the course were taking is right then it hits you how many times will it take to get it right. Doesn’t the world seem kind of hopeless when you keep trying the same things hoping for different results? Well switch up your game plan or throw the game plan out the window and do something crazy. I heard the chorus and I dig it because it is how you feel when things are so bad that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Here it is and I will explain why this blog came about.

“What can you do when your good isn't good enough? When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things I just want to fix it somehow
but how many times will it take? Oh, how many times will it take for me? To get it right”

It is so crazy I know the kids didn’t write this but it is amazing, what can you do when your good isn’t good enough? When all that you touch tumbles down? You look to your friends, family, loved one, books, and music to try and find advice, answers or just some clarity. I think it’s hard when you are in a relationship and you both feel the pull and push of not thinking your best is good enough or that something is missing. It is even more difficult to believe it’s working when the trust border is on red level and the communication that was once there is no longer in service or out of range, you doubt the very reason you’re in the relationship. In life you have those moments that divide your life into the time before it happen, and the time after. I mean the job you took, the house you moved into, the person you started dating, the kid you had. In those moments you make a choice and that choice shapes the next 6 months, years hell even decades. When do you get it right when do think and know you’re doing something right and making it work and not to mention your happy. I have been doing some reading Shocking I know but towards the end it says you have to live 1 of 3 ways Acceptance, Enjoyment, & Enthusiasm. Accept the things you can’t enjoy or be enthusiastic about because you can’t change them, enjoy the things that you can while you can, and be enthusiastic about the life and the things you can change. You’re only human so I cannot fault you for being what you are and vice versa, learn early on that there will be some disappointment, hurt, pain, heartache, and in return know that good will outweigh those painful and at the moment not so bearable moments and if doesn’t RUN and run fast in the other direction. I guess in the end I see the beginning what will it take to get it right? Patience, Acceptance of the other person flaws and all, baggage and issues you never know when you meet the love of your life and you or them is damaged and you can’t get it right. Step back and realize maybe this isn’t good for us or we can work through it either way there has to be some kind of resolution. Because in life you won’t get it right, it won’t be the right time, things won’t work out, but when they do I hope your eyes are open to the joy of living and making it work and getting it right and enjoying those moments that last forever.

So I think finishing this with “Life is the Sum of Choices You Make” is fine and that’s holds just as true for me now as it did years ago…

-I See You…- J Ty 2012

Holding On & Letting Go (2012-03-03)

Holding On & Letting Go

          I love this song by a guy name Ross Copperman it was on The Vampire Diaries, it is a beautiful song it talks directly to the title the lyrics is really good.

“It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go”

I love how it is worded it is amazing what lyrics can do for a song, you go through these moments a lot in life where you feel so conflicted about a choice you don’t know what to do about life in general and it comes down to these words. I love the concept one door swinging open one door swinging close, holding on & letting go. Decision decisions what to do? Where to go? Hell what to wear? All valid questions these are all things that we all as humans struggle with, we are so focused with the future that we don’t fully appreciate the present and the moments that are fleeting. In all those statements in the lyrics everything you wanted and everything you don’t it’s like getting everything you wished for and not realizing everything you wished for came at too high of price. I am learning very quickly that you just got to go with it and live in the moment because in all reality that’s all we really have is the current moment because tonight, tomorrow or even next year is not promised.

            Funny how time flies when you’re having fun, that is a great line from Janet’s first album. But in that is so true you don’t have a concept of time when you’re in the current moment and enjoying it. So what is the problem with doing this? We as humans are so caught up in what’s next that we forget or over look what’s NOW. You know what’s standing right in front of you that very moment I am in right now typing behind my desk enjoying today. I need to be more present in the present so my Presence is showing.

            So I have had some days and some DAYS and that means just as you reading it, I have come to some revelations not by myself but all in all they were bound to come up the revelations that is. I am not letting the past be just that the past I am holding on and not letting go, I am putting a band aid on my life wounds and hoping it will heal alone without me and that I will be better soon enough, and that’s not the case. It makes it worse when the band aid falls off and I lose my shit on some undeserving person or someone I care about. The trouble with love is those statements I’m holding on and Letting go I am holding on to things that I should be long past or that should have been let go of so long ago. But instead of me letting it go I put a band aid on it and hoped it would be ok. And now I see that was a terrible mistake and that’s what hurts so bad. I am me because of the things I say and the actions behind my said words. Who am I without those bonds, if I can’t take my own advice or live by my own words? I need to live in the Now!  I cannot back those words up I was starting to not belief in me anymore and my ability to be okay. So was that all a front? NO I am just not used to loving and being loved in return. In that I have to step my game back up and SEE IT that special thing in myself, in that situation, in my career, in that special someone’s eye or in my friends. I have to be able to hold on or let go and I am a pack rat in those things I don’t wanna hurt anyone or feel bad about some ones disposition so I hold on and not let go. But let me tell it in BOLD I am moving past all my hurt starting today, open to the one door swinging open assuring my present and future happiness and the other door swings close and locked. That is about all I can do in this world to move forward as a human being and a man. So I will start Holding on to the Good & Letting Go of the Bad…

Yesterday (2012-02-14)

Yesterdays

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

          

  “Yesterday all my troubles seem so far away, now it looks as though there here to stay. I believe in yesterday, oh so suddenly I am not half the man I used to be there is a shadow hanging over me. Yesterday came suddenly I think I said something wrong now I long for a yesterday.”

         

   Now I truly love these lyrics I was thinking of songs with yesterday in it and 6 or 7 stood out in their own way. The first couple of lines is a remake that both En Vogue, and Boys II Men did which is beautiful, it talks to me in that yesterday was a less hectic time in my life and that I believe in yesterday what I had who I was and makes me think do I want to go back to yesterday? I think both versions sung by a male group and female group is really good how the message I get in both is the same. In Leona Lewis song Yesterday she sings…

“They can take 2morrow and the plans we made, they can take the music that we never played. All the broken dreams take everything just take it away but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we’ll never know they can take the places that we said we would go.”

It is beautiful how so many songs can have the same titles and mean so many different things. In Leona’s version of yesterday it says to me hey what we had was amazing so whatever is happening now in life they can’t take yesterday for us the time we spent, the memories we made the love we had. I love that thought of whatever has happen in the past is that the past but no one can take yesterday away from you. I think that’s amazing way to look at love lost or friendships ending or just moving on in general. Shanice version of Yesterday she hits the chorus hard with these lyrics…

“I can’t stay and keep living this lie, I finally found the strength to say goodbye I’m on my way nothing can change my mind. I’m leaving behind what we had yesterday.”

It is truly crazy to me, just in awe in the diversity of lyrics and meaning in each song. Shanice is nail in the coffin real I get it in my own way. It’s done and she is moving forward, she is sick of fighting for it and faking it when there is nothing there or the love has fizzled out. I completely understand all versions of the word yesterday I went to my thesaurus and typed yesterday here are the words that came up the past, the recent past, days gone by, former times, yesteryear. And the antonym was Today, which made me laugh a bit.  

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow‘s a mystery, today is a gift that’s why it’s called the Present.”

 That quote jumped out to me as I was typing antonym lol, it is such a true statement and I think as much as it sucks to follow that and live in that state of mind it is what’s best for almost everyone. I listen to all these songs about yesterday on Valentine’s Day just thinking I have shows tonight and I need to go to the gym. I will not harp on things I cannot change “Life is the Sum of Choices You Make” I have made some of mine and now must either suck it up or live through them or not and change it again. The best part about us as people we do have the ability to transcend the natural laws of life and the status quo of being human and be more then we were and that takes time and effort and i think I am seriously ready to put in the work and evolve again. If everyone sees me as the man or boy I was the last time we met I can never grow in their eyes and that’s no way to build anything specifically relationships, friendships, businesses. Its taking some time now but yesterday is history and I have to find the strength in that and move through it to move forward in my life cycle. I miss yesteryear so much so many parts of days gone by returns in my memories and I want to relive them and I can’t there is no do over’s in life so I must accept those things and keep in tune with my path and what I want out of this life.

I wrote this in the thought process of thinking about days gone by things that are no longer what they were and learning to accept that and personally the steps I need to take when yesterday is not healthy for you or not for you anymore. We all deserve better than our yesterday’s and until we see that we will continue down this cycle of repeats in our life’s that will have us forever trapped in the “What ifs?” So in ending this one for now we control our destiny we manifest the things we want and don’t want. Look in the mirror and realize sometimes you have to say goodbye, its okay to reminisce on the things you had just don’t let that notion consume all of you or live in that memory.

Happy Valentine’s Day to the all lover’s out there, if mine is out there or reading this I hope you know my Stereo Heart beats for you. And yours beats for me!!!

-I See You…-