Complicated (7-31-2011)

I warn off this title because it was either this one or “Cold” so I chose this one. It is the title of 1 of Rihanna’s songs off her loud album and I am diggin’ it right not. Who isn’t Complicated? Lies if you said you aren’t everyone is complicated in some way, I don’t like when people say I am a great girlfriend or boyfriend I am easy to be with, its not hard to be with me. I call bullshit everyone has a complicated personality the only difference is when we meet someone weather friend or more then that your complicated traits and behavior are subdued because you guys mesh well. Why is everything with you so complicated when you hear that leave, cut your loses and move on. Don’t make something work difficult is part of growing but complicated is 2 opposites that don’t attract or 2 of a kind that mesh awful together.

    How do you know when enough is enough, when  flattering becomes unnecessary lust, when happiness and settling the same word, when  your insecurities are all you live on, when the little things no longer matter, these for me are all things that make me Complicated. But I am completely ok with saying it out loud or writing it on paper. I love this skin most of the time as appose to some of the time. I have been learning so much in last couple years just about how I only saw the world in my eyes and that’s all I needed it was and is just me I don’t need to experience everything because for 1 that’s impossible in 1 lifetime. At least now things in me are a bit different, I know now not everyone you meet is looking for the best interest in you, not everyone is forgiving, there are truly some evil things in the world. And well life goes with or with out me I just got to pick my roads and live with those decisions. I can do that I don’t mind so much the ups and downs of living my life anymore I just realize more each year each month I sit behind this laptop pouring out my thoughts to the world that LIFE is what you make it and I know I say it quite frequently but holds true to me and that I will never defer from. Life is complicated we make choices on others wants and needs not on our hearts and what our soul moves us to do. If everyone did what they felt and was passionate about things in our world right now be different but its ok because life is complicated and that alright. I am not easy to love, be around sometime, loud, compulsive, committed only to my career, over bullshit, love being alone, I am sure about the things I can’t control, I bruise easily, I love hard, I love often, I hate just as fast, I feel. I am complicated and for me that’s ok I don’t care if it effects people who I am or what I do or where I live or who my friends are or how often I visit, keep in touch etc. I keep in touch because I love people and feel connected to my friends and family on the same side of that coin parts of me wants to write post theses blogs and that’s it disappear into another country, another city, and only surface to write about my life and live. I feel obligated to not do too much I don’t wanna worry friends or family about my life but no longer what I do after this contract is my own where I go what I do is my own and mines alone. I am COMPLICATED I am constantly evolving and with this month I found some strength in me I have never seen before. I am me take it or leave it. What makes you complicated and our your friends and family ok with that? Who cares the ones that loves you is all that matters in the real world. I am Complicated because complicated isn’t bad it just is. Your complications are your own, own them, live through them, embrace them. I love your complicatedness it makes you unique and I love you for it so in closing love me cause I AM COMPLICATED…

The Best Thing I Never Had (6-26-2011)

    So to start this off “THANK GOD I FOUND THE GOOD IN GOOD-BYE” And true story I love this saying and the meaning behind it and I feel it completely. Thank God I found I the good thing about saying good-bye, sometime the hardest thing to say is good bye but in listening this song and before that actually living its crazy how so much has changed and how much is clear and in focus for the first time in my life the good thing about good bye is that it is not forever it is forever to the people it needs to be forever for. But on the other side its good I found the good in goodbye because it was too freakin hard to say good bye Colette, Amanda T, Amanda P, Carrie, Junebug, Shelby, Steve B, Sara, Chad, Bobbie, Jonah, Erik, Joey L, Mary, Jesse, (I can go on for another page you all know I love you). I Know now it wasn’t good bye it was see you later see you sooner then later. Good times or bad I wanted them to know you’re my family you’re my rock on which I grow from and know that you will always be there weather in my worse of worse moments or watching Smallville on your couch, or eating all types of hours or drunken craziness, or just listening to each other talk about the fact I have known you way too long. In any case it has been a trip to say life has been a series of “fortunate” accidents. I am blessed and so happy for all the fiends I made on this contract Meghan, Danii, Skye, Kevin, Elisa, Ann- Marie, Katrina, Igor, Hanna,Todd  I could go on for a while but you get the point that so many people have and are still caring and loving and there trough thick and thin. I wish in some other dimension I could get all my friends both past and present to just meet an say Hey I knew HIM at this point in his life you guys both past and present I think about so many of you constantly and in the little stories I have in this not you know who some of you are. LOL On that I am so threw with BS I have seen a lot and been through so much and have had friends be more then just a friend but a saving grace and that’s when you separate the good from the great, I love every thing I have been through in the last 2+ decades I wish I could have seen the forest from the trees sooner but now I can and I have and now I am a lot happier because I can smell BS coming a mile away and I can no thanks next. You know I know I talk so much either online or in person the difference is if you are reading this you wanna hear me talk hahaha. I truly Love the title because it hold true on a lot of topics. I am so glad for most people I am the best thing they will never have, I love me all of me I am watching Buffy from the beginning and her and Angel are Bella & Edward of my time. Angel would watch Buffy sleep and it was hot and he was scared of the damn sun LOL Random I know but true. Okay back on topic. Sorry you know I get side tracked I would love to mention everyone in my life that have been good or even great. And given the right encouragement (Alcohol) I would love to mention the blessing goodbye has brought me. I was talking to some pretty awesome friends who just got married and I miss them but I remember who I was when I met both of them and who I am know and its crazy how life can change and things go. Its also amazing that when can sit on Skype for 2 hours just laughing and talking about everything that we used to love, what we love now, and just kick it. Life is also amazing how you can be so close to someone then life happens and you fall out you separate and that void is so not easily filled then, 1 of you has to have the courage to say listen either we fix this or I will burn your house down. The best part about being an adult is making better decisions then you did before and I love that I can now. The best thing about the song is for me just the realness of it I got it I get it I love it its pure honest and fun. I needed this song because it reminds me life experiences and the things I miss and thankful for the things that are gone. Okay in closing I feel obligated to say if  you are upset I didn’t mention you don’t be your in my <3 or on the other side thank God I found the good-bye. Stay classy San Diego!! Live, Love, Dance

GONE (05-15-2011)

    

    I like this title it is from somewhere different then I tend to think or feel. It is the title of a song off Jennifer Hudson’s new album but the song is not a inspiration to this lil’ piece of my mind today. This comes to the world in time of great crisis and calm, love and sorrow, confusion and clarity. The world is screwed up and I don’t mean on just what’s happening if you watch CNN for 30seconds there is disaster everywhere both naturally and what were doing. I was watching TV in Stockholm and it was just awful so much pain, misery, sorrow, and just damn sadness but then you see a glimpse of light; a new set of twins are born or someone does something extraordinary and you smile just for a second. For me it was the Royal Wedding cheesy I know because I am not British but it was so beautiful to see something just genuinely nice and uplifting and fun. So much is uncertain and people say so much about the future you hear the whispers shhh “The World is Ending” it the End of Days according to this legend or this script or this old woman or rich man bored. The world has been ending since we got on it look out the window you can’t throw a rock in any direction without hitting a new skyscraper or some new gas gosling device or computer that will help you wipe your ass better. I personally don’t care either way if the natural disasters keep getting worse or if a nuke takes us out or Aliens finally get pissed about getting experimented on or a meteor comes were GONE. Tell me what could you do? LIVE in this moment stop pacing your life around this myth or prophecy or ancient guess if something happens then roll with if the world stops turns suck it up we did our part to fuck it up and we have deal with the fact that mother nature is kinda pissed right now. If it gets worse prepare for bad weather don’t everyone run and get saved and start prayer after 20, or 30 years of silence you want to get close to something because you think it’s the end. If eternity if forever then hey sign me up when its my time. But enjoy this moment NOW in this time, I have missed close friends wedding, babies born, funerals, engagement parties, graduations, so many celebrations because I was dancing or well it is always because of dance LOL. My goddaughter is HS and I won’t miss her graduation my 2 godsons is told there mom to tell them about me so they know me when I can see them more. My family knows I love them and that I do this for me because I don’t want regrets in my life. I feel bad that I missed these moments but I wouldn’t change it because I would have missed parts of me. I see those moments are GONE now I have to make the time to do those things because my family and friends have always been there weather it’s my Amazing Aunt who I just got back in touch with after 10 years or some new amazing friends I have met in all these years of traveling and seeing the world, or Tee Boo Big Dave, Lord Fokqua and Granny Goodness and the rest of the family that deal with ME and if you know me you know that is a full time job LOL. Sometimes things are GONE forever and that’s life and sometimes things are only out your grasp until you want them to be in arms reach. So much is changing in life in the world my favorite show is now over and I feel empty and down it was apart of me for 10 years and 218 episodes and its bittersweet to me. Its GONE and I have to change the things I can change and deal with the things I can’t. Life is always fleeting LOVE big and wild because 2morrow may not come, DANCE like this is your last performance, and LIVE like this moment is your last. Enjoy what you can enjoy and filter the rest weather your younger or older something is GONE  and you want it back if it’s a girl pour your heart and deal with the consequences, if it’s a job work your ass off to get it. But know when to move forward and not dwell in the past.
-LIVE, LOVE, DANCE-
I See You…

Don't Hold Your Breath... (05-04-2011)

I like that title it fits in so well for right now in my universe I love it its not bitter, jaded, or upset it just is and that is great. Ironically it is the title to a song by the lovely and amazing Nicole Scherzinger. It is some powerful words behind this song I first heard it right after I finished my last Blog which was right before I got on board the ship and let me just say so much has happen. I love the things that’s happening in my life, life has a funny way of giving you exactly what you need when you need it. You know I remember moving to Las Vegas thinking I never want to do ships again I had my fun I seen the world and well that was that. I come back and even in rehearsal I was thrown by how much I loved the environment of so many dancers from everywhere just dancing. 3 casts in and out of rehearsal in a gorgeous facility and just the whole rehearsal period of 8 hours of dance. Then we get to this floating city and I am taken back by the whole life all over again the put-ins, costume fittings, handover parties, opening night nerves, and finally random night of random events with random people LOL.

    I choose this title because I love what she sings about in this song it is true and real and hurtful and a bit pissed off and I get it. To say to someone don’t hold your breath is powerful, people think in all cultures they have that power over you and if you allow them they do and that is what could make the most decent of people do awful things. If we don’t allow that to happen or you cut it off before it becomes a part of who you are then good on you. She says “I loved you so much that I thought that you could change and all you brought me is a heart full of pain”. She also goes on to say “your days gone lets face facts the bad movie ends and the screen fades to black”. When you think about the meaning behind all she is saying and what do you get from it I get it Love, even Like is a fickle thing and you have to have the stomach to deal with rejection and with acceptance. “If you think I’m coming back Don’t Hold Your Breath” I love that it is exactly what it is sometimes we get so sweep up in the world we know that we miss so much in the actual world that’s going on without us even knowing it. We had a beautiful royal wedding that I watched and loved, we have so many wars going on and the killing of a major terrorist I am not even going to touch on the weather. Look up and smile that you alive and well and know things could be better.

    Sorry another tangent but I look up and think where would I be if I didn’t leave Michigan or I didn’t leave Disney I don’t know but I do know the people along the way that made this journey difficult and yet I am thankful for them even more then the ones I love dearly and those people know who they are. But without the enemies, back stabbing friends, and well the crazies you lay in bed with you truly don’t appreciate the amazing friends you have in your life trust me I know I have had my fair share of fake friends, awful people, and SHITTY relationships. I look back and I don’t know why I never had the strength to leave or stand up I guess those bad movies ended and the screened faded to black and now I write my life well only certain parts LOL I can only live with the circumstances I put myself in and that is all I would ask to do.
 “Life is the Sum of Choices you Make” make some wrong choices and grow from them, make good and enjoy them.
-I Don’t live for the enjoyment of Others
-I See You…-

I See You.. Don't Hold Back ( 3-14-2011)

So I hope in reading this one you have read or will read the Prequel to this 1 that I wrote in June of last year. So much has happen so much has changed so much is not what is was when I wrote that Blog. Well for 1 thing I am a little older, wiser, smarter, dumber, patient, focused and less stressed and for me that is amazing on top of all that a lot has changed. I am leaving in a couple day for a 7 month contract  over in the Baltic and I found myself last week sad and not just sad down. I started to think what is going on life is happening your no longer stagnant or miserable or unhappy what is it DAMN. And it hit me I am moving at a pace I wanted but didn't expect i was overwhelmed about what was happening and underwhelmed  about what previously was happening in my world. Why couldn't I just be Whelmed. I missed normality or my version of normality house, constant friends you see, grocery stores, traffic, just things 3 years ago was foreign to me became routine and a part of life as i knew it and now it was gone. I lost some people life happens that way and all I can do is keep it moving in the direction that I think is best for my life right now in this moment, And this is it what I am doing right now 8 hours of dance with a bunch of great personalities that I am trying to SEE and that is the beauty of life. We are all so different in such amazing ways that truly seeing them is a great journey I am on in that journey finding new things about me that I am so excited about. As sure as the wind blows I say "Life is the Sum of Choices You Make." I believe that i have lived by this quote for soo many years now its not even funny.
I had some Amazing people rise to my corner not in no particular order; Colette,Shelby, Carrie, Amanda P, Bobbie, Dee(Tia), Junebug, Steve, Jason, Slim, Sara Lenn, Chad, Audrey, Rodney, L-Dogg. As some of you know this line or may not "IT WAS THEN MY CHILD THAT I CARRIED YOU" I take it as he sent these people to me to help, heal, love, uplift, comfort, encourage. And I thank them a million times over because I TRULY SEE THEM. And I see life so much better and with better eyes because of those people there were other family, friends who are no longer in my life. But we all play a part and for however long we play that part is unknown but it was Love that I loved. Let me say Life is hard it will be hard especially when you living your dream, I only hope your dream doesn't become a nightmare in pursuing your dream.
What have I Seen that is so different LIFE of course what other reason do we do what we do. I am an Enigma the surface me is not all of me it is the only me I want to go to the front lines because he can deal with the back lash of hatred, ignorance, closed-minded people, and change to a degree. All of me can't I went home to Vegas a couple of days ago and to say it was great was an understatement I LIVED. I sat in the audience watching a show that I was part of for so long watching people I truly SAW up there i was watered up with Emotions and I was taken back by them as performers and as people. Then seeing some people who have always been there no matter my antics, or issues, or parties LOL.
"To Love and to have that Love returned is the greatest gift of all" and the 2 parts to this is Epic you have to open yourself up to love then you have to willing to receive it as well which is hard for alot of people on both parts. Some can't open their heart either way.
Let Go of the restraints that's holding you from life's greatest joys CONNECTING and being connected to other people thats how you grow, evolve, change, enrich. It's hard for me daily and lately its been a a mini battle to relax, relate, chill, and just be. But I am finding my balance again I was turned upside down lately with dance, life, friends, family, and life but that is what makes life worth living right.
To wrap up my always lengthy Blogs I See You... the good the bad the ugly and I am not going nowhere because that what people do when they truly LOVE. for everyone new in my life give me time to See You open yourself up to be seen. the people that I have known if I dont know you by now whats stopping us from Seeing into each other Help me HELP US. I dont wanna live an unfulfilled with just random people in it, I want the of Humanity in my eyes in my life in my world and there is no need to settle for half assness LIFE IS TOO SHORT.
Please Love and be willing to accept when someone wants to love you in return. "Life is the Sum of Choices you Make" so live with the aftermath. Accept Change life is in a constant state of Change. See people beyond face value. Never forget the bounds you make some can't be broken no matter, time, space, distance, or circumstance!!!
-I SEE YOU...-

Talkin' To The Moon!!! (2-14-2011)

"Great Song Bruno Mars new Album"
It is an interesting concept but so many people do it and invest hours in doing that exact thing. I do it so much its bright, gorgeous, quiet, and sometimes answers back to you in unusual ways. One I can't believe its Feb and two it is the day before Valentines Day. Crazy how quickly life happens and changes in a sort f blink of an eye, in less then a week I will be leaving for a new gig and an exciting adventure I know it will be. Life has a funny way of giving you road blocks and obstacles that without the tools needed you fall flat and are subjected to the woes of life and growing up. I once thought that if my life was paved and unbroken with no bumps my life would be peachy. But without these bumps or bruises or unpaved highways how could anyone appreciate the best times of life. Most nights I speak to the moon and it gives me what I need to know to keep going in the direction that guides me to where I need to be at that moment in time. I would like to reiterate Life is the Sum Of Choices You Make because they mold you into who you are in that moment in your life. What do you ask when you talk to the moon? what do you say? what are your intentions while your sitting there having a full blown adult conversation with a moon orbiting the Earth. Übermensch (Above human, or Superman) is German and I found it looking for new tattoo's and the meaning behind it, it is crazy that Friedrich Nietzsche was up on the concept the theory that we are capable of much more then we do right now. I enjoy the thought reasoning in this, we are capable of much more then what we do. I believe in this concept wholeheartedly. I spoke with the moon about the new tattoo and it is a part of who I am and who I am becoming. When I speak to the moon I ask what is coming? How do I go forward? what is next for me? All these questions are answered when they need to me. I will be moving to another category of my life soon and I am excited to keep it moving in a great direction a new venture. I cannot wait something new it is super fun to know I will be dancing soon. 
Okay in closing lately I have felt different in many ways and I am so glad to have my present and future looking in a new direction. When I am looking in a looking glass and or a reflection of myself I see the man I am becoming more and more everyday. 
"WE ARE DEFINED EVERYDAY NOT JUST BY THE DOORS WE CLOSE BUT THE DOORS WE LEAVE OPEN."

Decade Of Decisions (01-05-2011)

So to be honest I erased this blog 6 times since Christmas because it was tons i wanted to say but really nothing to say. So I have been waiting to have something to say and I think I have found something to talk about, the title has not changed but the meaning has alot that's why i couldn't post this before New Years. Well here we are and to be completely real I was scared to write this because it has made me sit here and think about every decision I have made in the last 10 years OMG. I have filter, unfiltered, thought and thought more of my life since 2000 and that is why i can't get these words down on paper. So here goes Life is a direct sum of the choices you make, life is what you make it, you only get one chance at life make the best of it, live as if tomorrow isn't coming. Did I follow all these quotes that i so randomly throw around NO HELL NO hence the many drafts of this blog. For some reason no not for some reason because I had to reflect look at the man in the mirror it took so ong to publish this. I wanna say thanks to the entities in my life male, female, animal, alien or whatever for giving me this MOMENT. I do not know where I would be now if i didn't have such amazing experiences and friends and family to be there. I have to say it is Epic to look back on recent events like leaving Jubilee to joining Shockwave for the first time. All these things happen in the last 10 years and they have shaped, molded, installed, programed me to be who I am today. I See You... Looking back lets have no regrets in this new decade in my eyes i have loved, lost, traveled, danced with some awesome people, became friends with some amazing people, and lived an amazing life both up and downs are magic to me.


I am not going negative but i wanna get this out because as i sit here its on my head Does anyone have a scrapbook of Sorrow? I was thinking of that today and sitting in my bed most of the day with a swollen  eye i got me I got sad, withdrawn, a lil' depressed because I look at all these picture on my laptop, and facebook and they are all the same I am happy, excited, loved, surrounded by people who love me and that ear to ear smile. And don't get me wrong I love looking at them but I spent most of the day looking at my scrapbook of sorrow and those are the moments that propelled me to i.e leave Detroit, move to Orlando, Do Cruise Ships, move to Saipan, go to Germany, move to Las Vegas, leave Jubilee, and so on a Decade of Decisions is what i went through today. Where would I be if i would have listened to Ms. Rowland and stop dancing, stayed in Detroit, stayed in the Marine Corp, moved to Seattle instead of as Vegas. My life would be so different but i don't live in the what if's i lie in the whats next and I am super thankful for eveyone that has been in my life, no longer in my life, and that is still in my life. Amanda, Shatika, Abby, Jocelyn, Bryan W, Slim, J Boy, Gertrise, Joey, Jesse, Boobie, Erik, Danielle, Clarie, Colette, Cassandra, Junebug, Sara(Roomie), Sarah,Tania, Shelby, Mary C.G, Jonah, Chad,Rodney, LDogg, Aunt Cassandra I can keep this list going but just everyone who reads this is in my life right now for a reason.

Sometimes we make decisions based on fear, insecurities and just rash, All my choices were not good choices but they were mind to make and i can't go back and fix them because it would alter who i am today. I am flawed and i see my flaws daily and i know why things i get upset about happen because they a direct result of choices i have made. I hurt bad this past year has opened my eyes so wide and closed me up so tight I feel like a fortress of sorts. I need to be open to life and everything that comes with it, but I feel like I am the old grumpy neighbor who is always pissed for no damn reason at all. I am not that guy but i feel like i need to be or have to be to be somewhat happy in this world, which would suck. But i look at all my friends my age a lil' older and lil younger but just in these places i don't think i have ever been in. They always say the grass is greener but sometimes your grass is just damn dead.

I am deciding to take this decade to a new level a new being a higher being a Übermensch. Get the clarity I need the clarity i have been too scared to reach for, the extra that I need. I have been blessed so far with this life now it's time to prove i deserve it and more. or pack it in. I have wrote about so many things and in all those I find a lil' more of me and now me is screaming out the cracks in my armor, the holes in the walls, the voice in my head. I wanna thank Amanda, Dee Averhart, Tika, Abby, Colette, Bryan W, Sara, Shelby, Jonah ,Cassandra, Shatika & Jocelyn you guys have always been too honest, and there hell or high water no matter the shit i do. So many people are here in my life for me and i can't thank you all enough 

I am a PUZZLE, COMPLICATED, A GEEK, FREE, OPEN, SPACEY, DISTANT, WITHDRAWN, INWARDLY @PEACE, DIFFICULT, DRAMATIC, CRAZY, UNFILTERED, WARM, CONFRONTING, LOVING, CARING, SEMI-PATIENT, SLIGHTLY PREJUDICE, EXTRA-ORDINARY, TALENTED, OK LISTENER (lol) And above all these qualities that makes me. Tim Johnson (Ty Lamar)
I am THE DIRECT SUM OF CHOICES I HAVE MADE....
let 2011 be the Year of Years for you no matter what

-I See You...- 

No Express Lane to Happiness (12-09-2010)

I am in love with life right now I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I know i am starting this off on a good foot I dont know where it will end. But I wanna first thank my beautiful parents for raising me with all that i needed to succeed in this world and all to live a life better then the one they had. My friends because without them I would have fallen apart many moons ago, they are the pillars to my parents foundation. I cant imagine this life without so many i love in it. I have had a blessed and wonderful life in the last 25 years i have done more then some 50year old people. And with that said I am happy and their is NO EXPRESS LANE TO HAPPINESS. Trust me i have been looking for 1 for quite some time its not even funny. I have had some amazing highs in my life as short as it may seem to some I think "Life is the sum of choices you make." I don't like when people make excuses for the circumstances they have in their life right now weather its daddy issues, mommy issues, or just damn issues we need to learn to lean on other people, give in to help, seek guidance if you can't find it within yourself look to other sources that can help you. Life is not impossible to get through we have all the tools we need to make it in this trying world it depends on weather or not we want to access those hidden talents or those resources that The Powers That Be put in front of us to help in the lifelong struggle some call life. Don't cry and ask God or whoever for  money and when it arrives you say no because your waiting for an envelop from god with 100 dollar bills in it. The things wee pray about or wish for are there for the taking we just have to be open to life to see them and not look for the obvious solution to the problem or issues we are having. I feel if you have had the worst luck when it comes to love at some point you have to stop making excuses like "all women are bitches" or "men ain't shit" maybe it may be time to look in the mirror. Or if Life keeps giving you lemons maybe you should switch your diet or look at why you keep getting lemons. I think everyone can sit here and have a small violin about the life they have and the poor me stories we all can but what will that accomplish NOTHING. Once again there is no express lane to happiness you just have to take those detours, lemons, bad circumstances and make some decisions on weather you are going to let issue #56 take all your time and energy or are you going on to the next. I'm not going to say its going to be easy i am saying that you have help you have outlets you have choices not everything is the end of the world. I am the first to admit that I am dramatic a lot of times but I have found sanctuary in my friends and in music I always have been but in recent months it has been more clear to me in my life that your friends are called that for a reason I looked up friends and this is the Webster definition: A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard, a person who gives assistance. See that it amazes me that this definition is so self explanatory then you look up a Best Friend: The one who is closet to you. I Love hearing that i don't have one best friend I have 5 or 6 not because I need them but because I have a lot of issues and different sides to me and they know how to deal with each one of them in their own way. I have truly found a place in my life were I am happy things didn't work out how i planned them when i was 6, 12, 18, 21, hell even when i turned 25 but they never do. I am glad they didn't work out as planned because I am so Blessed and overjoyed at this space its new and yet I have so much more to see and do and that makes the journey that much more fun. Okay I think i got all that out  e happy in the moment don't look outwards for happiness or what you think is missing its missing for a reason, enjoy the space your in your there for a reason because there is NO EXPRESS LANE TO HAPPINESS!!!!
-I SEE YOU...-

Reality Sets In!!!! (11-20-2010)

This is reality as we know it is it a good space or a bad space or a space that it is yet to be defined. I look at it like this you are a direct sum of the choices you make and now this space is what I like to call reality setting in. In a good way I like the that life is happening the way it is right now. It makes me smile to know that the things are going in a path that makes you appreciate the finer thing in life. you can easily take the bad and complain that life isn't fair and poor you because life gave you lemons well i think lemons has and awesome quality to make you feel better in certain occasions. You make lemonade is a funny concept because when reality sets in no one wants to make lemonade they just want a quick fix. To truly grow as a person you have to go through some bad things to truly let life happen in a magnificent way. which is pretty awesome. You never know the extent of the power of circumstances has on you. Reality is fickle and very weird sometimes it can be very predictable and then turn you on your head if you let and that is the gift and the "curse" if you allow it to be. No matter what happens you can always beat the odds or overcome the hurdles in your life. Nothing I say "nothing" is above beating, reality sets in at the most inconvenient times so we think. I am having just random thoughts and dreams about my past and its kinda weird I feel like i keep reliving things that i thought i was over and I feel reality is haunting, scary, exciting, new, different and I am totally OK with all those things. We wish that our life turn out a certain way and if its not right to the letter we are disappointed and sad and at first that's okay we are only human but we have to accept things change things will be different and life isn't just a book you can write what you want to happen and it happens. I really wrote this to just get some frustrations off my chest Reality has a funny way of showing you things that you would have never noticed before or that you purposely overlook. In closing Reality its fickle, real, honest, harsh, fun, scary and any other word you wanna use for but its the only one you got so let it set in and LIVE

Lesson Learned...(11-01-2010)

Great Song by the amazing Alicia Keys and John Mayer I have been listening to tons of music lately trying to find a song that fits the space I'm in right now in my life and lesson learned works perfectly. Life takes a new turn all the time and you have to roll with the punches or enjoy the moment as they come. So no longer in transit I just am and that's all i wanna be right now and I am completely OK with that. In the song they have this bridge in the song she says "Life perfect, Ain't perfect if you don't know what the struggles for. Falling down ain't falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor. It's called the past cause I'm getting past And I ain't nothing like I was before." I love these lyrics and i know i get from it what i can that is why music is so much apart of my life. I would love for a moment to break it down it is pretty self explanatory. Life perfect ain't perfect if you don't what the struggles for, that is so true so have no idea how nice life can be until you have been through some struggle. Falling down ain't falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor. For me it speaks to the heart as in, if you have been hurt and you can't show it or realize hurt and pain are apart of life. And lastly the past is exactly that the past. Don't we ever wonder why life is so hard then so good then so hard again, I feel that it is what I have been saying for quite sometime Life is the Sum of Choices you Make. I Love that concept I live for that concept life as i know it has been a direct sum of the choices I have made, sometimes that is a hard thing to swallow and I have to be OK with the back lash or the reward. We talk about destiny, fate a lot these days and it freaks some people out because the way the world is NOW. People wanna believe in something more then just our day to day life's, you see all these comic book movies and movies that make you wanna believe there is something more. I do i know in my heart of hearts their is more to life then just what we do on a daily basis. Nietzsche posited "The Übermensch" as a goal for humanity to set for itself. The Übermensch means above man or SUPERMAN and I believe we have the ability to grow in that way we do it all the time on a small scale when we learn from lessons. But to truly grow I think we need to let go of the past enjoy the present and look to the future because life is too short tomorrow is not promised live in this moment RIGHT NOW!!!! I have tried to learn from all the lessons I have been through some have been harder then others and some i didn't learn from at all. But I learn something new everyday and one day I will be that Superman for me not for anyone else because of the lessons I have been through. Some things i will never be able to explain but I don't want I wanna live this life the best way I can for me. So learn from those lessons, listen to that inner you. When i wrote "I See You..." I went to a place I had never been before it was pure and real and deep and I Loved being in that place and Now I am in another place so see people for whats inside and learn from all the lessons you have been through both good and bad.
I Hope you all take what you want from this I write to express my feelings in my life because you can express emotions so much through Dance but Now this is New and Different...