Great song from Glory Dogs... cool Lil' Band
And well the title for this here venture in my life, So what year was it when life got rough when things looked bad when all you could do is look for ways to be better to do better to become better. This is me not pretending not sugar coating just for a new change of events the truth. The truth is simple life isn't always happy and smiles and you can only pretend for so long, before the smile cracks or the wounds show. Why do you start pretending in the first place well for one it could be second nature, you know all that you know or it could be your afraid of the world would think of the real you honest you happy you. Is it hard when you stop seeing the world or cup half full when you look at it as just empty? is it bad to feel the way i do right now i don't think it is.. in 23 years i have never felt the way i feel right now at this moment in my life. To be in a space you cant grow in or out of is hard its tough and I or you cant be Happy 24/7 cant be every one's jester the go to person for fun and smiles. I cant be right now I cant pretend i cant waiver in my life anymore i cant pretend I am both Hot and Cold. Sad and happy...
I love this moment but i hate it as well, in the last 7 years I have literally seen and done with my career all i truly wanted and personally i fell short. Inside of me i didn't grow i just let life happen emotions bottled feeling put on the shelf as long I got the next dance job the next itinerary, the next chance to pack my suitcase to say goodbye because goodbye is way easier then letting someone in? Right. At lease that's what i thought but i see now i was wrong.
Not many people saw Tim for Tim and that was not there fault i just didn't want people to get to close because it meant saying goodbye a lot easier, And now I look at empty promises i have made BS I have spit out and Lies i have told for so many years and i feel awful, for some people it takes a push to move them in the right direction for others a strong wind and well for me it took an Earthquake and i wish it didn't i wish i could have wanted to see the flaws earlier its hard to fix whats been broken for so long you cant I'm not a robot I am only flesh and bone and I bleed red just like everyone else.
To be sad and down and depressed is one thing and i wont be that way i cant be that way life is way too short. I need to embrace the present and take the future one day at a time, I am forged in Strength & Love and i have to do this for me because i need to be able to make Ty happy before everyone else can be happy with me. Ty is who i am becoming who i want to be, I am growing and in 3 months i will be 25 and i cant wait so much has changed so much has happen to know being alone isn't truly being alone when you have great friends!!!!
To not Pretend to not be everyone else reflection of themselves to make them feel better is who Ty is becoming who i need to be I need to be my reflection of me my BEST part of me. i wont let no one stop this evolution from happening, loved ones, friends, family co-workers, i am doing this for me and for me first and foremost. So be there support as i did when you weren't OK or just call to say hi or don't be fake just let me be... I <3 this moment because who i am now i won't be in 6 months 6 years and that makes me extremely HAPPY.......
So I am done PRETENDING!!!!
sorry for the inconvenience this may cause.
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